There's just no substitute for the real thing

-Posted by Isaac

It’s official.

I’m declaring a National Emergency. (For Pickaway County.)

When you’re in central Ohio and you have to wait for low tide to cross the road… I think I’m well within my rights in calling for a National Emergency.

Can you believe this load of crap?! Relentless! The fields have become lakes, and just getting to the bees has become somewhat of a sport.

Eden and I were out feeding the girls yesterday. Here she points out the result of trying to make it to the yards after three inches of rain:

Fun!

So how was your Valentine’s Day? Assuming you didn’t drown, I’m guessing that it was the usual— a lot of show, a lot of pomp and circumstance, a lot of expense… hmmm… was it even worth it? Did you even get lucky??

Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.

But I’d like to show how you may just better your odds in the future. In this post I’m going to teach you some cheap and easy, sensible, practical, surefire tricks to impress your significant other. And not only that, you’ll learn how to turn some kitchen problems into delightful (and romantic) solutions.

First problem, Dan the Baker.

As you know, Dan makes some wonderful bread. But as you may also know, if you leave it on the table overnight (which we’ve been known to do), you end up with some really hard crust.

Not a problem… the kids will find it the next morning and have their way with it.

The soft middle is oh, so delicious!

This leaves you with a hollowed out loaf which you can then cut into strips and bag up for later.

Another common kitchen problem, especially in the winter: granulated honey.

Raw honey granulates fastest at 54 F. With all the temperature swings this time of year, we often see our honey turn cloudy. Again, not a problem. You probably already know, if you want it to turn back into a clear liquid, simply heat it up.

But here’s another route. The romantic route. Granulated honey makes an excellent dipping sauce.

First, put those kids to bed.

Then pop those sliced Dan the Baker “bread sticks” in the toaster. Arrange them aesthetically on your finest serving platter.

Then take that cloudy, perfect and wonderful raw honey and create some culinary art. One glass is probably enough, but you never know. If things are going well, (wink, wink) you may need a second.

Lastly, and this cannot be overstated, you need to set the mood. Dress to impress. And find something he or she will really love. A good book, a choice Netflix, a favorite band. Something that says, This is you and me babe. This is us… and there’s just no substitute for the real thing!

You’ve pushed all the right buttons tonight, big boy. Good luck.